Getting Over Heartache
by cuz-CM's-awesome
Summary: Harry loses the love of his life and his life spirals out of control. Will he be able to get through it so that he can be the father his son deserves?
1. Heartache

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter JK Rowling does and I am in no way making any profit off of this story. **

**Summary: Harry loses the love of his life and his life spirals out of control. Will he be able to get through it so that he can be the father his son deserves? **

**This was written for the 'First Sentence Challenge' by Tani Smiles. **

**It will be a multi chaptered fic. **

**I don't normally write in first person, nor do I write angst so I hope this turns out okay. **

**Please R&R **

**Enjoy! **

…

Hermione is worried about me. She does her best to hide it but I've caught her sideways glances when she thinks I'm not looking.

I wish I could say that she doesn't have any reason to worry but I know in my heart that if I did I would be lying.

I've been struggling and not taking care of myself, even I know I should be worried about my health and mental status but I just don't have the will power to care anymore.

It's been five months since the love of my life, Luna, died, and since then my life has spun out of control.

She had gotten sick two years after our son had been born. At first Luna had just thought it was a cold but after a few weeks she was still feeling ill so we decided to go St. Mungo's to get her checked out.

They ran many tests but none of the doctors could figure out what was wrong with her.

We ended up going back to St. Mungo's fourteen times in the year that Luna was sick.

We tried every potion and medicine known to wizard kind, in hopes that we would find something to make her better but nothing we found worked.

Then one night in early summer, a few days before our son was to turn three, Luna woke up with a fever. She never did get much sleep those days but that night was different. She was sweating and shivering. I tried to keep her warm and comfortable but nothing I did helped.

I laid beside her and held her close to me.

I remember whispering to her that I was sorry; so sorry that I couldn't do anything to help her. I felt useless, the boy who lived, who had saved the Wizarding world from peril couldn't do a thing to help ease his wife's pain. What a sad excuse for a husband I was.

Luna laid a shaking hand on my cheek and told me not to worry, that she loved me and didn't blame me.

I think she knew the end was coming; she had been so tired in the weeks leading up to her death. She just wanted to be at peace and I couldn't blame her for that.

I remember crying silently as I held her, in some ways I knew her end was coming too. There was nothing the doctors could do, nothing that we hadn't tried already.

At some point her shaking had stopped and I looked down at her in my arms. Her breaths were coming in shallow huffs and her face was glistening with sweat.

I didn't know what to do, I could feel her slipping away but I didn't want to let her go.

"Luna" I whispered out into the night "I love you, I'll always love you, you complete me."

She made a sound, I couldn't decipher what it was but I could tell that she was trying to say something. I strained to hear her and heard her whisper "Tell Al…that I lov…" that was all she got out before her hand slipped from my face and breathing stopped.

"I will…I'll tell him…" I sobbed even though I knew she couldn't hear me. Of course I would tell our son that she loved him.

I held her in my arms for hours after that as I cried, I just could believe it, believe that she was gone. In my mind it just wasn't possible. There was no way that my Luna, my friend, my lover, my soulmate, the one person who completed me, was gone.

…

"Coffee?" Hermione asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I looked out at the cup she had in her outstretched hand "Thanks" I mumbled as I took the hot beverage from her.

I took a small sip and then held the cup in my lap and stared ahead of me at the wall, not really seeing it.

I heard Hermione sigh as she walked away.

Hermione and Ron have been letting me and my son stay with them since Luna died. They have really been looking after Albus for me because I can barely keep myself in check these days.

I was grateful to them for their offer; I don't know what I'd do without them. For the last five months I have been a shadow of myself and I know it.

As I sit here, silently staring at nothing, I can hear Albus in the background playing with Hugo and Rose.

I find myself smiling as I hear him laugh, a high pitched giggle.

I was ecstatic when Luna told me she was pregnant with him. We had been trying to have a baby for some time and I couldn't wait to start a family with her.

When he was born I felt like the luckiest man in the world. Holding him in my arms for the first time was one of the greatest moments of my life as I looked down at his sleeping face. He was so perfect, ten fingers, ten toes, with short wisps of black hair and when he opened his eyes they were an identical match to Luna's blue eyes.

When I told Luna I wanted to name him Albus Severus after two of the bravest men in my life, Luna had smiled and given me a knowing look. She had always understood me more than anyone else could.

For those first two years of his life, when Luna wasn't yet sick, they were the best two years of my life.

I spent every free moment I had with Luna and Albus; I loved getting to know my son and watching him grow up. With Luna by my side there was nothing more I could have asked for.

At this moment I knew that Albus was the only thing keeping me going, if I didn't have him I was sure I wouldn't have made it through Luna's death.

Again I was pulled out of my thoughts but this time is was by a tapping at the window.

I looked up to see a brown barn owl sitting at the window with a letter in its talons, waiting for someone to open the window.

I watched as Ron went to open it.

I was surprised after the window was opened and the owl flew over to me. It dropped the letter in my lap and then flew away.

Flipping it over in my hands I opened the seal and began to read. I hadn't gotten any mail since Luna had died. During the weeks after I had gotten a ton of mail with people wishing their condolences but that had stopped soon afterwards.

My eyes scanned the page and I felt my chest tighten with anxiety. The letter fell out of my hands and landed beside my chair.

"What is it?" I heard Hermione ask as she rushed over.

I shook my head, I knew this day would come but I wasn't yet ready to deal with it. I didn't know if I ever would be.

"Can I?" Hermione asked as she bent down to pick up the letter.

I gave a jerky nod of my head and then stared at my hands.

After I few minutes I heard Hermione's involuntary "Oh…"

"What?" Ron asked from the kitchen, I could tell from his voice he was worried, "What is it?"

"It's a letter from Mr. Lovegood" Hermione explained.

"Oh…" Ron repeated, already knowing what the problem was without Hermione having to explain further.

Luna's father had been away when she had died. He was on an exploration of tropical plants on the other side of the world and no one had been able to get in touch with him.

He still didn't know that Luna had passed away and I knew I should be the one to tell him.

The letter was him announcing that he was finally home and that he was inviting us to tea.


	2. Delivering The News

**Don't Own **

**Please R&R **

**Enjoy! **

**…**

"Never thought we'd see this place again" Ron stated as he looked up at the cylinder shaped house on the hilltop and I knew he was remembering our time during the war when we were searching for the meaning of the Deathly Hallows.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply as my nerves made my hands shake, I quickly balled them into fists.

"It will be okay Harry" Hermione said from beside me, she was carrying Albus in her arms "We'll be with you the whole time."

I looked over at Hermione as I felt gratitude swell within me. After I had finally gotten over my shock that Mr. Lovegood's letter had caused, and was able to talk, Hermione had rushed to my aid and told me that she and Ron would accompany me if it was easier for me.

I had thanked her and told her it was; in fact I don't think I would have been able to it without them.

We walked up the hill; my pace began to slow as we got closer.

Ron clapped me on the shoulder; I knew he was silently trying to support me.

Finally we made it to the door; I raised my shaky hand and knocked slowly.

The door opened and Mr. Lovegood stood there looking slightly surprised as his gaze landed on Ron and Hermione.

"Harry! It's great to see you again" he said with a smile once he had gotten over his surprise. He shook my hand in greeting.

The relationship between me and Luna's dad had always been a bit strained, it was hard to get over the fact that he had tried to turn Hermione, Ron and me into the Death Eaters. But I put it behind me for Luna's sake and tried to get along with him.

Now it felt even weirder that I was shaking his hand as Ron and Hermione stood beside me.

"And little Albus" Mr. Lovegood continued, his smile wide as he took his grandson out of Hermione's hands and ruffled his messy hair.

Albus looked at him in confusion; to him he was a stranger since Albus had been too young to remember Mr. Lovegood before he left for his trip.

"Why don't you all come in?" Mr. Lovegood asked as he held the door open for all of us "I wasn't expecting so many people but I can always make more tea."

I looked back at Hermione; she gave me an encouraging nod before I turned back around and stepped into the familiar home.

Mr. Lovegood led us all to the sitting room where a pot of tea was already waiting. He pulled out his wand and one more tea cup flew into his hand.

He sat down in an arm chair as he gestured for us to sit, Albus coming to sit on his knee. With another wave of his wand he served us the tea.

After a minute he smiled at me "How have you been Harry?"

"Um…okay" I stumbled; I wasn't really sure what to tell him. Of course I hadn't been okay but I didn't know how to break it to him that his only daughter was dead and if I started off by saying that I had been horrible he would know something was wrong.

Mr. Lovegood raised an eyebrow at me but didn't comment further.

He turned to Hermione and Ron "And how have you two been? I think the last Luna told me was that you got married?"

"Oh…yes" Hermione said, I could tell she was uncomfortable "we've been happily married for four years and now we have two kids, Rose and Hugo."

Ron looked proud at the mention of his kids.

Albus began to squirm on Mr. Lovegood's knee; he was tired of being held by this stranger he didn't know. He stretched his tiny hands out at me and called "Daddy!" loudly.

Mr. Lovegood chuckled "I guess he doesn't remember me" he said handing Albus to me "Well I guess I'll have the rest of his life to get to know him."

Albus sat in my lap comfortably and leaned against my chest. I could tell that he was getting sleepy and was sure that he would be asleep in no time.

I looked up at Ron and Hermione, I knew I should probably break the news now but I just didn't know how to do it.

It seemed that neither Ron or Hermione knew either, they just stared blankly back at me.

It was a tense few seconds of no one taking.

Then Mr. Lovegood broke the silence "Now's where's Luna today? Will she be meeting us here later? I was so looking forward to seeing her."

I looked at Mr. Lovegood, my heart breaking all over again.

"Mr. Lovegood…I…well…" I just couldn't get it out, I didn't know where to start, what to say.

Mr. Lovegood frowned at me "What is it?" he asked.

I looked over at Ron and Hermione again, feeling ashamed that I couldn't even be man enough to tell my wife's farther the truth.

"What Harry is trying to say" Hermione said, her voice quieter than normal "Is that about a year ago Luna got really sick and well…no one could get in touch with you but um…Luna she passed away about five months ago." Hermione finally blurted out.

Mr. Lovegood's face showed his shock.

It was deadly silent in the room for a few minutes as Mr. Lovegood processed what Hermione had just told him.

"No…" he began as he looked between us, his face changing from shock to anger to fear in about five seconds.

"No, no, no, no, no, no," he said bolting upwards "You're lying!" he pointed at Hermione "It can't be true, my Luna she can't be dead!"

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes all over again but I blinked them away before they could fall. I ran my hand through Albus' soft hair as I looked up at Mr. Lovegood "She's not lying Sir…" I never have been able to call the man 'dad' even though he is my father in law, "Luna is dead, she was just so weak by the end and we couldn't find anything to cure her."

Mr. Lovegood stares at me; I can see the moment that he acknowledges that we are telling the truth. His expression becomes pained and he begins to weep. He falls back into his chair and lays his head in his hands.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Lovegood…" I said and my voice caught in my throat "I know it's hard to hear and I'm sorry that we weren't able to get in touch with you."

Mr. Lovegood didn't say anything, he just continued to weep. I could hear his anguished cries that were muffled by the fabric of his robes.

I looked over at Ron and Hermione, they both looked very uncomfortable.

Albus chose that moment to wake up. He started to squirm and fuss in my arms.

I stood up with him and walked to Hermione, I gave her a pleading look and then I placed my son in her arms. Hermione rocked him gently, trying to get him to calm down.

I walked over to Mr. Lovegood and tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder. He tensed under my touch and I wondered if I should move away. I didn't know how to comfort him; I'm not even over my own grief.

I heard him sniffing as he looks up at me, his face was red and tears still made their way down his cheeks.

"There was nothing you could have done?" he asked and I felt the guilt that had been buried within me start to rise to the forefront of my mind. My heart clenched and I looked down at him sadly.

"No," I barely whispered "we tried everything, nothing worked…we could not diagnose the problem and therefore we couldn't find a treatment."

I saw him think my words over and then he nodded stiffly, I could see the resentment in his eyes and I knew he was thinking that if he had been there he could have done something for her. That if he hadn't left her with me then he might have been able to protect her like her incompetent husband could not.

My guilt took over my body; I felt sorrow I hadn't felt since the day Luna passed away. I wanted nothing more than to leave the house as it was filled with nothing but old, painful memories but I knew I could not just leave.

Hermione's rocking had not soothed Albus and he began to cry.

Mr. Lovegood and I both looked over at my little boy.

"He's cranky;" I tried to explain "he should be put down for his nap soon."

Mr. Lovegood looked back at me, his gaze was hard and I knew he was looking for someone to blame.

I wasn't able to keep eye contact with him and I looked away in shame. I saw him glare out of the corner of my eye.

"I see…" he said and his tone was flat, then "where is she buried?"

The question caught me off guard, weird because I should have known it would be coming, my words caught in my throat and before I could answer I heard Ron help me out by saying "In the graveyard by Godrick's Hallow."

I looked down as I remembered Luna's casket being lowered into the ground, we lived in my old house so it was only be fitting that she be buried in the same graveyard as my parents. In fact her gravesite was placed right next to my mother's.

I haven't yet gone to visit it.

"I see" he said again and I wished he would say something more.

Albus let out a fussy cry and Hermione stood up, she began to walk around with him. I knew we really should get him home.

Mr. Lovegood picked up on that "You should leave" he said and I cringed. His voice was full of anger and I wondered if he'll ever stop blaming me…I wondered if I'll ever stop blaming me.

"I'm really sorry" I said again, he waved me away and then left us to show ourselves out.


	3. Talking To Ghosts

**Don't Own **

**Please R&R **

**Enjoy! **

**…**

The best time to talk to ghosts is just before the sun comes up. I learned this a few weeks after my visit to see Mr. Lovegood.

I knew Hermione and Ron were becoming inpatient with me and they had every right to. After seeing how Mr. Lovegood blamed me for Luna's death, I became even more withdrawn from everyday life than I already was.

I could barely look at my son, let alone pick him up or hold him. I believed that he deserved better than me; it was my fault I couldn't save Luna and because of it he would have to grow up without a mom.

In my mind I thought he would be better off without me.

But then, just as the sixth month since Luna had past approached, I woke up in the early morning, in the time just before the sun rises, and I swear Luna was lying beside me.

She looked at me with a frown, her beautiful blue eyes that used to shine with joy looked sad and lifeless.

I was speechless, my mouth went dry and even though I just wanted to reach out and touch her, I couldn't move.

"Harry," she whispered to me "what's happened to you?"

I couldn't answer, I watched as her long blonde hair fell forward as she leaned closer to me.

"Why have you allowed yourself to fall apart?" Luna asked, her voice soft in the eerie quiet of my bedroom.

"I…I don't…know" I answered, trying to figure out if she was really there.

"Albus needs you" she said, her sad eyes searched mine.

"No…he deserves better" I stuttered, the moonlight shining into my room through one small window made her body look luminescent, almost see through and I finally decided I must be going crazy.

"You're being too hard on yourself" she told me.

"I let you die" I growled, my regret resurfacing one more. I could feel my sorrow threatening to take over again.

"Nothing could have saved me" she said sadly and let her hand run through my hair. I could actually feel the touch but just barely.

I shook my head in anger, she shouldn't be consoling me, I let her die. "It was my fault" I said, anger filling my words as tears welled up in my eyes.

"No it wasn't" she said firmly.

"Your father believes it was" I grunted, believing that that should be the end of the conversation. She should let it be already, I let her die, I killed her, it was my fault; she just needed to accept it.

"He doesn't know, he wasn't there, you did not kill me" her voice said fiercely "Stop blaming yourself."

I closed my eye tightly. It was my fault…I knew it was…so why were her words making me doubt it. I was so lost without her, how could I possibly make things better?

"I don't know what to do" I muttered opening my eyes and was relieved to find her still there. Still watching over me.

"Don't let our son suffer" Luna said and I watched as she turned her head to look at the closed door to my bedroom. Albus was sleeping just down at the other end of the hall.

"Of course I wouldn't…" I said with a shake of my head, I would never let anything hurt my son...how could Luna think that?

"He needs you" Luna said forcefully.

"I'm sorry" I said, my eyes downcast, had I really been hurting my son all this time?

"You shouldn't be, you just need to make things right" she said, her voice returning to its normal gentle self.

"I love you" I whispered, putting everything I was into my words.

Luna leaned down and kissed my cheek, her lips felt cold on my skin but familiar at the same time. "Take care of him" she said as she pulled away.

I took her hand in mine, her fingers were cool but I didn't care. I could feel her moving away but I couldn't let her go, "Luna" I began.

"Shh," she whispered and brought my hand to her lips; she gently kissed my palm and then pulled away "Sleep now."

I closed my eyes.

In the haze between sleep and wakefulness I could hear her voice whisper "I'll always watch over you."


	4. Promise

**Don't Own **

**Please R&R **

**There will be at least one more chapter after this, maybe two. **

**Enjoy! **

…

When I woke up the other side of the bed was cold. I ran my hand along the spot that Luna had occupied only an hour or so before. I still wasn't sure if it had been a dream or if she had really been there but whatever it was it had given me something to think about.

I looked around the room, there was a faint light shining through the window and I could tell that it was early morning.

I knew the household would be waking up soon.

Pulling the covers off, I slowly got out of bed and shuffled over to where I kept my bath robe. I put it on, over my pajamas so the cold of the morning wouldn't seep into my skin.

Then I left my room and walked quietly down the hall.

I gently pushed open the door to the room that my son shared with Hugo. I did so as quietly as possible so that I wouldn't wake either of the two children.

On the far side of the room Albus laid in his crib, I could see his tiny fingers pressed against his chin, he must have fallen asleep with them there.

I made my way over to the crib and noticed that his other hand was clenched around the soft sheep plushie Luna had gotten him when he had turned two.

As I stood next to his crib I watched his little chest rise up and down evenly as he slept peacefully. I reached my hand into his crib and laid it upon his head, smoothing down his wayward hair.

I could hear from the next room noises that suggested Ron and Hermione had just woken up.

I continued to run my hand through Albus hair as I listened to the sounds of the early morning hustle and bustle. I could hear birds outside tweeting a quiet tune and more loudly was the sounds of the pipes working from either Ron or Hermione's shower. From the slightly off tune singing I could hear from the other side of the wall, I guessed that it was Hermione's.

I looked down at Albus and sighed, he was so beautiful and innocent. I couldn't believe that I had practically ignored him for six months. I was a worse father than I had previously thought.

Before I could let myself sink into self-doubt and guilt, I mentally shook the thoughts out of my head.

I couldn't keep feeling guilty, I had to be there for my son and that wouldn't happen if I was too busy feeling bad about the past.

Albus' eyes began to flutter and I realized he was waking up.

I saw his fists clench and unclench before his body stretched and he looked up at me, blue eyes meeting green.

I reached down and lifted him into my arms before he could think to start crying.

"Daddy" he said, his head coming to rest at the crook of my neck.

"I'm here little guy" I whispered to him, still having the mind to keep quiet so that we wouldn't wake up Hugo. "I'm here and I promise I'm never going to leave again," I said as my hand ran circles over his back.

I turned to take him downstairs and get him something to eat for breakfast, just as the door opened and light from the hall spilled into the dark room.

Hermione yelped and took a step back in surprise. I looked at her with an apologetic smile and watched as she placed a hand over her, undoubtedly, racing heart.

"Jeez Harry," Hermione said shaking her head "you scared me."

"Sorry" I said.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked looking questioningly at me and Albus.

"I thought I'd come and get Al here for breakfast" I said, trying to act as if it was the most normal thing in the world, however since I hadn't come to get Al for breakfast in the last six months we both knew it wasn't.

Hermione continued to stare at me for a while, she looked to be in disbelief but finally she smiled and I could see her eyes light up with happiness "Okay Harry, Ron's just getting Rose, we'll meet you downstairs."

I nodded, smiled and left the room.

…

That morning as I sat feeding Albus his breakfast, with Ron, Hermione, Hugo and Rose sitting at the table with me, I couldn't believe that I had been missing so much of not only my life but my son's.

I vowed then to never let my own feelings get in the way of raising my son, it just wasn't worth everything I had missed out on.


End file.
